Sunday, July 14, 2013

It Is Finished

About an hour ago Ma'ikwe told me she was done. Our marriage is over. 

It was a day I'd hoped to never experience. Ma'ikwe was close to ending it this winter, but stepped back from the brink when she had an initial positive response to our doing couples counseling. Things took a bad turn again in June, and this time we were unable to recover.

While my head knows that I'll survive this, my heart can't imagine it. Right now I feel broken and can hardly believe that I'll ever smile again—much less find the courage (or temerity) to consider trying another intimate relationship. I gave all I had to this partnership and, in the end, it simply wasn't enough. 

I loved Ma'ikwe as deeply as anyone I've ever known, and it wasn't enough. She has made her choice and I wish her the vibrant and joyous future she aspires to and deserves. It just won't be a future with me.

I took my wedding ring off this evening and placed it on the shelf in my bedroom where I keep my memories. Tonight, that's all I have left.

3 comments:

Lydarose said...

Thoughts and prayers to you....

Hummingbird Community said...

I'm so sorry Laird; holding you and Ma'ikwe in my heart.

Mandy Creighton said...

Dearest Laird,
I am with you in spirit and would be hugging you in person were I in the tri-communities right now (am in STL visiting my nephew). I appreciate your transparency and hear that you are experiencing sadness. You are in my heart in this moment and during this huge transition.
With love,
Amanda