Friday, October 22, 2010

Let Me Count the Ways…

While driving me to the train station last night, Ma'ikwe asked me—on the verge of my embarking on the start of back-to-back long road trips—to take time today to write all the ways that I appreciate her as my partner.

I liked that assignment, and thought it might be interesting to share what I came up with for today's blog entry. Keep in mind that she only asked me to write about the good parts, so this is my rose-colored perspective of our marriage. Fortunately, I had no trouble coming up with quite a long list.

In no particular order...

1. She takes responsibility for her own happiness, and does not build her life around mine.

2. She's logistically competent.

3. She offers helpful reflections about my writing.

4. She stands strongly for her views when present with me in dynamic situations. She's collegial without being mousy or pushy.

5. She balances well her ongoing friendships and her home community with her time with me.

6. She's intellectually curious.

7. She's spiritually curious.

8. She's willing to share many of my recreational pastimes (such as crosswords, cards, board games).

9. She's sexually open, and non-judgmental.

10. She's wiling to tell me when she's upset with me.

11. She hangs in there in tough times with me.

12. She's committed to personal exploration and growth.

13. She's a gifted facilitator.

14. She's a creative and sensitive mother.

15. She's a highly accepting and supportive partner with my friends and family.

16. She takes the time to listen to me share what's going on in my life (which is a substantial investment).

17. She works gracefully with multiple paradigms (examples include her own health, and personal growth work).

18. She's a good project manager.

19. She loves me.

20. She's committed to our marriage.

21. She's a good cook.

22. She's totally accepting of my chewing foods she eschews (don't laugh; this is bigger than you might think).

23. She's fun to work with.

24. She doesn't wilt in the heat of the moment.

25. She loves Nature.

26. She loves her body.

27. She's not squeamish and handles rustic conditions well.

28. She's equally adept at being a leader, a coequal, or a follower.

29. She can forgive and move on.

30. She likes trains.

31. She adapts her dress and demeanor to the situation.

32. She can work a room well in social networking situations.

I don't know that one is ever truly done with a list like this. Like the marriage itself, it's a work in progress.

1 comment:

maikwe said...

And for anyone who is curious, here's the list I sent back for Laird. He's often hard on himself here, so this is a chance for me to give you a glimpse of the good guy :)

1) You do important work, and you are utterly committed to it.

2) You don't compliment unless you mean it; in this way, you are completely trustworthy.

3) You laugh a lot.

4) You adore me (except for those times you don't; but you return to adoration.)

5) You are steady and stable.

6) You aren't afraid of money, and you are a pretty good manifester.

7) I love your body, especially your arms and hands. You are very masculine. I also love your voice.

8) You are smart as hell.

9) You are fearless when it comes to groups, and give them what you believe they need without hesitating to say the hard things.

10) You manage, somehow, to keep so many different balls in the air.

11) You are comfortable in the public eye.

12) You take in feedback and change your behavior, so long as you know it is coming from love.

13) You are completely dedicated to me, even to the point of making space for me to explore things without you.

14) I genuinely believe you place a high value on my happiness.

15) You accept my crazy family concept at face value, and can appreciate things like my adoption story.

16) I don't have to guess when you are mad at me.

17) You've introduced me to a whole lot of fun stuff: board games, good wine, lots of cool people, facilitation, cross words, vanilla stout, etc.

18) You reach out to my kid, even when he's being sullen.

19) You drive the middle of the night shift.

20) You provided the money for our honeymoon, my house, my last computer and printing my book.

21) You haven't asked me to move to Sandhill.

22) You are a gifted teacher, and you make space for me to work with you.

23) You're fun. Our senses of humor match up. We can be goofy together.

24) We have a great sex life.

25) You get along with my family, and are a blessedly acceptable (even good) son-in-law for both my parents.

26) You try things out, like Avatar and Vipassana.

27) You let me dress you.

28) You're a good cook, and you raised good cooks, so holidays with your family are always super yummy.

29) You have good relationships with both your kids and their moms.

30) You get my dedication to community and social change work without me needing to explain things to you.

31) You do lovely woodworking.

32) You designed great wedding rings.

33) You have a strong connection to the northwoods and the natural world in general, and like canoes.

34) You've learned how to fight with me and then get over it.

35) You like playing with dogs.

36) You can use big words and totally earthy language both.

37) You're a reader and a writer.

38) You're in great shape. Not even counting that you are (almost) 61.

39) You write blogs and haiku with equal enthusiasm.

40) You're not afraid of responsibility.

41) You let me take you bird banding and actually liked it.