The Fog Bank of Silence

One of my hardest things to navigate as an administrator, facilitator, and cooperative leader is lack of a response. It can mean so many things. Let me count the ways…

—Maybe they didn't get the email (or phone message) and I didn't receive a bounce.

—Maybe I sent the message to a wrong, but valid, email address, and the recipient ignored it.

—Maybe they're thinking about their response and just aren't ready yet.

—Maybe they're upset with me (or what I said) and are delaying their response until they're less reactive.

—Maybe they need to coordinate their response with others and are awaiting word from them.

—Maybe they're too busy with other things to have moved my communication to the top of their queue.

—Maybe they're confused by my communication and are unsure how to proceed (or are wondering if a response is even needed).

—Maybe they don't know what they think, and are stalled out figuring out how to proceed.

—Maybe they're on vacation and enjoying an electronic moratorium (unknown to me).

—Maybe there's a crisis in their lives and everything non-essential has been placed on hold until that's dealt with.

—Maybe the person feels that responding to me isn't worth their time.

—Maybe they're teaching me a lesson by purposefully making me wait. (I know this is pretty funky—not to mention passive aggressive—but I've had it happen.)

—Maybe their computer, router, or internet service is on the fritz. If any link is broken the message will fail.

—Maybe my message got inadvertently shunted into the spam folder and was never seen (even though it was received).

While I doubt this covers all eventualities, it's enough to make my main point: if your start guessing about the meaning of silence, there's an excellent chance to get it wrong. It's better, I think, that you don't peer into your crystal ball, and just admit you don't know.

As if this isn't messy enough, in my case complications are compounded by a tendency to take my eyes off something once the ball is in the other person's court. Thus, it typically takes me a while to catch on that I haven't received a response I was expecting, and to send a follow up note.

While I ask people to at least acknowledge receipt of a communication if they aren't going to respond in a timely manner (48 hours?) that has proven to be a difficult request to comply with if people are not already in the habit. As you might imagine, I sometimes have to breathe through some irritation when people expect me to write twice (or even three times) before they write once, but such is life. If I want a response badly enough I exhale and write again, typically under the header: gentle nudge (even when I'd prefer to use a baseball bat to get their attention).

Without question, parting the fog of silence can be an exercise in patience and diligence—all the more so when you aren't being met halfway and the recipient is oblivious to the inconvenince their non-response is causing.

Surely you aren't subjecting others to that, right?